Not Dead Yet

Despite the Monty Python reference, this is serious.

Why now? Why have I reached this conclusion to throw caution (and possibly my sanity) to the wind and join the self-publishing revolution/evolution?

Because we must never take life and good health for granted. And no, I'm not going all Oprah on your asses. This is real.

All of us make excuses: 'I'll call so-and-so for coffee next week' or 'I'll do some writing after I finish the laundry and run my errands' or 'I'll finish my novel over the holidays or when I retire' blah-blah-blah... I'm here to tell you to stop putting things off.

And when I say 'I'm here to tell you', I mean I am here by the skin of my teeth.

Since I turned 40 in 2007, I have been at death's door- not once, not twice, but three times. On the first occasion, the lights did indeed go out; but I happened to have a very efficient nurse by my side at the time, so I'm still here.

Strike one...

I've always been healthy. I had no reason to think anything could change that. I won't go into all the horrid details, but I landed up with pulmonary embolisms (blood clots) in both lungs in 2008. A cheery little side-effect from the Pill, and no- I don't smoke. I recovered-- barely-- and then was back in the hospital later that year with life-threatening internal bleeding.

Strike two...

After my second release, I was left an unrecognizable shell of myself. I was weak and terrified. Convinced I would be going back to die in the hospital, I kept a bag packed and handy for months. Kind of a 'mortality bag', where other women pack a maternity bag.

Life did get better. A new 'day job' as a paid writer and a move to my favourite town healed the spirit. My friends cheered and supported me. And still I was distracted, and somehow too unwilling and blocked to do what I must and get 'Base Spirits' out to the world.

So the universe gave me another little shove at New Year's of 2011.

Long, ugly story short: complications from the flu landed me in the hospital, half-dead in an induced coma. I don't remember a whole week of my life. Thankfully, my friend Craig happened to be with me (again) when I collapsed in a seizure. He spent the week I was out worrying that I'd be brain-damaged. Imagine that: a brain-damaged writer.

Wait for it... strike three.

But? I am far from 'out'. It was a rough start to the year, but I finally began to pay attention. This 'brush with mortality' stuff is heavy. I won't pretend it was easy, but I am now physically sound and able to smile, and find humour and beauty-- more than ever. I am still processing. Among other things, I have been making effort to get to know all the wonderful new friends I have made, involve myself in my community, and to let go of some unwieldy past baggage.

And FINALLY, I am getting my work out there. Yes, I have had many short stories published, but not a stand-alone novel. And time and life and spirit are all far too precious to waste waiting around for the wheels of the publishing world to turn and maybe-- eventually-- give you a break.

So that is why, folks.

Now- go grab a stiff drink and a cold compress and get on with life.

Carpe Diem

Well, here we go.

I've never been comfortable with the idea of blogging. Then again, I've never been comfortable with the idea of self-publishing either... and that is what I am about to do.

Breaking out of one's comfort zone is not easy. I grew up with the idea that I had to go the traditional route as an author, and I have faithfully done so-- I have a degree in English Literature from Trent University. I've written heaps of short stories and had them published, thus proving that someone believed in me enough to put me in print. I studied with Peter Carey as my mentor through the Humber School for Writers. I wrote a novel-- Base Spirits-- that I think is good, had it professionally edited and began the endless rounds of queries to agents and publishers.  I've belonged to writers' groups, in person and on-line.  I've been paid to write. I've received praise and grant money and won prizes.

I read a lot. I write a lot. I take pains to hone my craft, and when I get rejected, I dust myself off and try again. And again.

But there comes a time when a sea change is needed.

Self-publishing had a rotten stigma for a very long time... and mostly for very good reasons. I resisted the idea for years, determined to keep on throwing myself at the mercy of editors and agents. My friend Craig saw my frustration, and encouraged me to try the new trend in self-publishing a couple of years ago. I wasn't in the right state of mind to hear it at the time, but his words must have sunk in. I've been watching the growth and evolution of self-publishing... and now I'm ready to give it a shot.

This won't be easy, and the rewards may seem paltry at first... but I will no longer be waiting on the whims of faceless, overworked publishers and agents. I will-- with luck and perseverance-- find a readership.

This blog is part of the process. I invite you to come along for the ride.